good day. i've been on a break because i've been wicked burnt out and disheartened and my brain not working too good. impending doom and rise of fascism and major losses will do that to someone's life i guess.

ironically it's only because i've been gradually "recovering" that i finally mustered up enough executive functioning ability to take a month off of work as medical leave. of course the process for this is rarely made obvious or easy because the whole point of capitalism is 'threaten people with displacement and loss of basic needs if they stop Contributing to the Economy', but i also work in healthcare so no one says that part out loud and everyone at face value is like 'good for you for SELF-CARING through your BURNOUT'.

which obv i don't fault them for because i think it's good to encourage ppl to rest and take breaks! i just. blugh. been trying to find a new therapist lately which means i'm doing all these intake sessions with new ppl and giving them an elevator pitch on 'my life leading up to this point', and the thing is that i've been going in and out of states of autistic burnout since i was literally in kindergarten. so i think i get a leeeeetle bit irritated when the way ppl talk about it is like it's my first time navigating this, when this is like... really just the first time in ~5 years that i've Allowed myself to let go of demands and put my needs first.

and then the time i did that 5 years ago was definitely not on purpose. i was working 3 jobs and going to uni and self-destructing to numb myself thru a broken heart and then i was like 'wow i wish all these demands and obligations would cease to exist'. and then covid happened and i was like WAIT NOT LIKE THAT. having the space to rest and recuperate while also having basic income and survival needs met (yay CERB) was definitely transformative and helped build a foundation where i know this is something i need sometimes.

writing lots, hoping to put out some new zines soon. stay tuned i guess?